Dinah Cristina Amane's Testimony
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March 18, 2009, I was diagnosed with Breast Cancer, Stage 2B. I crossed over the realm of uncertainty & anguish when CANCER was pronounced on me. It never crossed my mind that I would be a part of CANCER statistics.
I feel renewed and rejuvenated in the sense that after diagnosis, I willed myself not to dwell on the dark probabilities or what lies ahead. I underwent the slice, poison and another prophylactic slice to get me going. I have been a recipient and still am a recipient of prayers from brothers & sisters in the BCBP (Brotherhood of Christian Businessmen & Professionals); from relatives & friends and even of strangers & "classmates" in the CANCER world. Definitely I CANCERVIVE!
My positive attitude and happy disposition help in making me what I am today. I attribute this to the constant love I get from my children, from my husband, Glenn, from my Dad and siblings, from my friends and even from strangers. I got a positive insight about cancer and chemotherapy or poison from another Sister in the community who has leukemia. She assured me that it was not the end of the world for me. It is because of this that I am paying forward the very same support I got from her by visiting some that have just been recently diagnosed or even other cancer patients. I want to infect them with my positive outlook, my hands-on attitude by educating myself what I am faced with. I want them to also learn more about their sickness and what toxic effects medicines or procedures can do to them. I want them to know first-hand what to expect after each procedure and for them to always have copies of their pathology results and familiarize the medical terms used. It made a lot of sense to me, I know it will also help them confront or accept their sickness. Denial will not help a bit. On the contrary, it will even aggravate what they already have. While stages are made by men or medical practitioners to help them evaluate or manage their patients, God still has the last say. I'm a 2-B. I would have wanted to be a stage 0 or a 1. This would mean a better chance at survival or recovery. But getting this mark or stage I have to contend with. I trust and surrender everything to God. In His own time, He will lay His healing hand on me; release His power to restore my health fully and take away all the cancer cells in me! In God's own time.
People always ask me how I was, I always tell them I'm coping fine. Indeed I am. It's safe to say that I am on remission. Just keep me in your prayers and call on me if there's anything I can do for you or your friends who are similarly situated like me. I have moved on and never a day passes that I fail to thank God for His blessings and graces bestowed on me and my loved ones. I live each day like it's my last. I relish and cherish moments shared with friends and loved ones. Always reminding myself to hold on and never let go of God's abundant love.
During moments of sadness or when episodes of depression hit me; whenever Glenn gets nasty or mean at mean for some trifle things which I did or did not do, or even when the culprit of his anger is someone else but I still get blamed for it, I always tell myself that he's stressed out and needs to unwind. I love him so much that even if he's at his worst, I am never short of excuses for him and in the end; I can only feel more love, understanding & even pity for him. Patience is something I am so proud to say I have loads of supply. Having loads of patience and an ounce of understanding help a lot in keeping an outbreak of war at bay. My hair has turned salt and pepper after chemo. Before diagnosis, I had very healthy, thick but coarse long hair. The grays were there but minimal. When my hair started growing back, I noticed there are more whites than black. I don't mind this at all. I am living another phase of my life and have to contend a different beginning. Whatever is at hand, I have to thank God for it. I cannot and will not complain. He's done so much in my life and I owe everything to Him.
Early this year, 2 co-fighters died. While theirs were of the invasive & more serious kind of CA, their passing deeply affected me. But I thank God that it did not cause me doubts or unanswered questions to my own plight. I am still fighting my fight. I know, somehow, sometime, we each have to go. I am thankful that like Sis Bing & Sis Lou and all other cancer patients who lost their fights, we were made more special and blessed. We were given the chance to mend our ways or make our peace to some people whom we have caused hurts or pains. So even when another friend just recently passed on due to CA of the colon, stage 4, he also touched my life and others because of his generous & giving heart. He was an anesthesiologist and he fought a good fight to the end. He administered to his patients up to the time his CA metastasized to his brain and he lost his balance prompting him to stop and rest.
When I got the biggest scare in my life, I panicked like hell! Thoughts of dying came to mind. Then, I was struck with a thought. I talked to my kids and told them of my sickness. Told them that I was afraid but my fear was more of their Dad being left all alone when our kids will have their own lives to live later on. So, I told them to allow their Dad to remarry. That was my wish. Then, with my only girl Juliene in tow, we started looking for a 2nd Mom to be for them. Three personalities came to mind. When I told Glenn this, he was shocked beyond words and curtly told me to back off! That he was not interested. Maybe, this idea will have to be put on hold.
My life has never been so lively and so colorful until now. I always surprise people with my different looks. While apt to doing this, because of my desire not to look sick or maybe because the loud side of my personality has become more pronounced with the advent of cancer, I just tell myself that I am entitled to looking different because I am living on borrowed time just like all of you. Before, I never gave a thought about death or dying. I reasoned I was healthy and will live to be a hundred!!! I have a more personal relationship with my Creator now more than ever. My faith in Him served me well when CANCER was pronounced on me. I never questioned His plans for me because I know, He is my God and in Him I surrender everything and put my trust. I am a recipient of countless prayer petitions from friends and even from strangers. I just recently reactivated our Support Group not only for CANCER but also for life threatening diseases. We meet every 2nd Monday of each month. We comfort each other and visit other patients who have just been recently diagnosed. In all the various activities of which I am personally involved, I always invoke God’s love and mercy for all of us. And if God calls me to His kingdom, I am not afraid to go to Him. I know that He gave me ample time to prepare and heed His call in His own time. Amen.
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